My Religion

There are three main topics you are not supposed to talk about with others: politics, sports, and religion. Or at least that was what I was taught but despite this, I get asked about my religion a lot. I hesitate to answer every single time. Not because I am scared of ridicule but because I do not have a solid answer. My religion is complex and ever changing.

I think humanity is beautiful and such a complicated concept. No one truly knows the meaning of humanity or why we are here but we continue to search for answers. After all this time, there is not an answer but billions of theories and speculations. With humanity, comes free will. We can choose to do good or evil with this free will but no matter what we choose, it is all an aspect of humanity. Because of our innate fear of existence and fear of the unknown, humans tend to look for a cause to the effect, a maker to the chaos, a solution to all problems, or simply; a higher being that is in control of everything. We always try to find something to believe in, small or big. This aspect of humanity is curious to me. Our minds are so complex and our lives are all so different. We grow up experiencing different aspects of life and come out believing in different things. All the differing beliefs that come out of this human experience is interesting to me and I want to learn about them all.

I am biracial. My father’s family is from Mexico and they are Catholic. This meant long church days, rosaries, prayers, and the Virgin Mary. My mother’s family was Baptist and I attended Sunday School when I was younger. I attended a Christian school from the ages of 12 to 17, where we studied the Bible intensely and were taught how to debate Theology. Despite being surrounded by these religions, the culture within my family called for something else. My Mexican blood taught me about el ojo and weird superstitions that affected everything. My mom’s family were spiritual, teaching me how to read tarot cards at a young age and place protection spells around the house. I feel all of this made me a well rounded, spiritual person. I felt like I was constantly protected or had an answer to any problem. I felt watched over. I felt connected to my ancestors and familial power. I was powerful. And the days that I felt I was not, I could pray to God or look within myself and meditate. I had options.

As I grew older, I was exposed to more. One of my close friends in high school was Jewish and introduced me to a new line of thinking/believing. Another one of my friends did not believe in religion at all and instead, believed in the universe and her own person. In sophomore year of high school, our Bible teacher taught a segment about all of the different religions in the world. This was the first time I was exposed to more than what I already knew and I wanted to learn more. I researched and talked to others. I wanted to understand everything and why they believed what they believed. And as high school moved forward, the “Christians” I was surrounded by revealed the corruption that coursed through the religion. I began to see greed and deceit within the religion. The people that called themselves Christians began to act in racist ways, bullied those that had less money, and did evil acts in the name of God. My Bible teacher was accused of pedophilia and churches I looked up to were rumored to be stealing money from followers. I felt lied to. After this, I grew confused.

There was a book I read when I was younger about a kid that studied different religions. When asked what his belief was, he simply said he kept the parts from each religion that fit his line of thinking. I liked that idea. I wondered why I couldn’t just form a belief that worked for me. Is that not what religion is? Believing in something that satisfies you spiritually and builds you into the person you should become. Isn’t religion all about fulfillment and finding answers?

I was taught to never ask questions about Christianity. So I didn’t and followed everything blindly. But as I began to look more inward and learn about myself, I realized you can not be human and not be curious. Humanity is curiousity. Humanity is learning and growing. Humanity is always evolving and adapting. That is the beauty of humans. I want to ask questions and seek the answers. I want a belief system that encourages that. And as I studied more religions, I had a strange feeling that the majority of them had common themes. Be a good person. Love others. Love yourself. Serve god. Read scripture. The meanings just changed depending on the religion. But they all had the same concepts. There were parts that I liked and parts that I did not. And I continued to have more questions.

So here’s my answer. I am still learning and still experiencing life. I have not experienced everything but I have experienced a lot. I have learned a lot. My religion is constantly evolving. I have roots in Catholicism and Christianity. I believe in both but do not follow them. I believe those Gods and religions are real and valid; I just do not follow them. I believe all of the Gods are real and do have a hand in our world. I do not follow them. I respect them. I call upon the Christian God every now and then. I have crosses and rosaries within my household. I have deities that I recognize and pay homage to, such as Hekate and Lilith. I praise Mother Earth and give thanks to all aspects of her. I leave everything up to fate and the universe. But ultimately, I believe in myself. My being is the only thing I know 100 percent. It is the only sure thing in my existence. I know who I am and I know my power. I feel the energy within me and I have seen what it can and can not do. I look to myself for strength and if I need answers, I find them. When I need guidance, I look to my many resources. Because if I’m being honest, we can use all the help we can get. I think of my ancestors every day and hope my loved ones that have passed on are watching over me. I have been approached by many spiritual entities or had multiply Godly interventions, and I was always open to whatever message was being pushed my way. I have dreams of the future and conversations with deceased loved ones. I use my tarot cards for advice and seek out my support system if I need help. I put out good vibes so I can receive good vibes. I do good onto others because I believe in Karma. I believe in love at first sight and soul mates and twin flames. I do not believe in coincidences but that everything happens for a reason. I believe in signs from the universe. I believe I have met everyone before and we are all connected and I have lived many lives before. I know the universe has a timeline already laid out and I am simply on it, doing my best. Because no matter what you believe in, that’s all you can do. Try your best.

Whether that made sense or not, I do not know. But like I said, I’m just human right now and that’s okay. I will write more about my beliefs later on but this is the beginning of my though process.