Losing a Loved One

A few days ago, my great grandmother passed away. I am honored that I was able to know and have a close relationship with my great grandparents. My great grandmother’s name was Dona Mae, a very southern name that always brought a smile to my face. She was the mother of eight and lived majority of her life in Wallis, Tx. She is the origin point of our strong and capable family and the reason we are all so close. She began our long line of strong women and is the backbone for who we are. I grew up visiting her home very often. I loved that small blue house. It was always full of lady bugs and the home was filled with love in every crevice. When I was younger, my great grandmother would play tea party with me- probably one of my favorite memories with her. She was also my first and only pen pal. I began writing to her when I was ten and this continued for years. She probably didn’t know this but I still have all of those letters. Her handwriting was so beautiful and yet, so hard to decipher. I know she enjoyed writing me as much as I enjoyed writing to her.

I’ve always had a powerful connection with my dreams and my subconscious. It’s a gift of mine. My dreams always have a meaning and I always wake up remembering every detail. Sometimes they warn me, sometimes they tell the future, and sometimes, I am visited by those that have passed on. When I was younger, I used to wake up and paint what I saw in my dreams. As I grew older, I would sketch my dreams or even write them out. I began to realize that the more I harnessed and encouraged this skill, the more powerful it became. I never fight it. I leave my dreams open for whatever message must come through or whoever wants to speak to me.

When my stepdad died, he visited me in my dreams for months. He told me things only my mother would know and asked me of things only I could do. The same happened with everyone else that passed away in my lifetime. With the passing of my great grandmother, we are now at the grand total of seven. A month ago, I had written my great grandmother my final letter. It had been years since I had written and felt like it was time to pay her mailbox a visit. I had heard she was being moved to an elderly home and wanted to send her something that felt like home. I never got a letter back from her and was sad she never got around to it. A few days before she passed, she visited my dreams.

I remember crying hard in this dream, my body racking with tears and my throat burning from screaming. My great grandmother appeared in my dream with a letter in her hand. She smiled at me, warmly. I opened my letter but could barely read it because of her handwriting. But somehow I knew, it said good bye. I woke up, feeling like I had just received my last letter from her. She passed away shortly after that but she had to make sure she said good bye and personally delivered my letter.

With that being said, I am happy that you are no longer in pain, Grammy. You were a big part of my life and I’m sorry I didn’t make more time to visit you. I’m proud knowing I was your favorite great grandchild. I’m so glad I was able to have lunch with you a few months back. I was always cherish our lunch dates at that local diner and I miss that pie. I will still visit your house and I will hold your letters dearly. Thank you for making such a strong family and holding all the important family events at your house. Thank you for my jewelry box and for keeping it safe all these years. I’ll watch after your daughters while you’re gone. You told me to look at the sky whenever I go outside and take a moment to appreciate it. When I do that now, I will think of you and hope you are looking down at me. I always pushed myself to make my passed loved ones proud and make all of our struggles worth it. I want you to know I push myself for you as well. You lived such a hard life and you kept fighting, despite everything going on in our world. You grew up in a world that hated you for your skin color and continued to tear you down but you kept going! I aspire to have your strength and I hope you know we all inherited your determination and strength. Thank you.

Love,

Midnight